My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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