margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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