Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
