Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
