Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
