So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She bit a glass in half.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
