The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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