it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
