time to smoke my breakfast
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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