his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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