Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize