If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
