His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
