I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
