the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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