you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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