first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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