Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
