the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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