he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
