ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
