Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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