you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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