Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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