It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
