Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
