During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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