yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
