My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
