I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
