just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
