I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
