so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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