ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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