So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
