i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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