The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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