My pussy is not your playground.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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