Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
