k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize