is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have aggressive nipples.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
