We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
