i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This toilet bowl is my home.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
