i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
