If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
