Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
