True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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