I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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