Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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