is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
