If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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