Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
