I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
