I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
