return my video game
My friends, they love my intelligence
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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