hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
