this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
