Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize