ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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