I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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