yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
