You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
