hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
