I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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