dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
