Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
