I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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