I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
