sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
