What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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