i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize