I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So much rum. So many feels.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
