i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
