I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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