Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
