Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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