I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize