Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
