May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you will always have a special place in my vag
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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