HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
