somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it's like iHOP with fire
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize