Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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