I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
