walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I wear drunk well.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
