Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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