at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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