somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
