the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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