i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
