i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
