so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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