You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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